Reconnecting with ourselves and others in a disconnected world
Your path to purpose and presence in a digital age
I was watching “The Social Dilemma” with my teens recently.
It was both upsetting and hard hitting.
It left me with no place to hide from myself, from the harsh reality of our relationship with technology and social media.
How the mindless use of technology and the way it has been designed is killing us slowly by making tiny changes in our thinking and as a result, our offline behaviour.
And it’s affecting our planet’s health too!
The impact of technology on our lives
I had decided to this movie once again with my children.
I could see how our children have been struggling when it comes to their relationship with their devices.
I know that I too struggle to stay focused and not get distracted by my phone. I know about the effect that screens have on our brains, let alone the effect on our children whose brains are still developing!
I realised that we needed a heavy dose of reality to stop living in denial about our technology usage.
To accept that we were slave to our devices, to our screens to some extent or another.
Not the other way around.
My younger child (14 years) is not allowed to be on social media yet but he does spend time playing video games.
And my older one (almost 18 years) is allowed to be only on one social media platform (Instagram).
We also have restrictions in terms of not using our phones at the table during mealtimes and bedtimes.
And even then it is not enough.
Listen to this episode which digs really deep into how social media is rewiring our children’s brains and the connection with mental health crisis amongst children.
The digital influence on our offline habits
Our habits have changed drastically.
This is especially true over the past few years as we are spending more and more time online.
In India, the 2 years of online schooling during the pandemic, meant that our children spent upwards of 8 hours on their screens during the day.
For 2 whole years!
But no matter which part of the world you are in, our children’s habits have changed tremendously in the recent past.
The smart phone technology has unwittingly played a dominant role in that.
I am not personally against technology.
The benefits of technology is indeed huge. We can’t even think of going back to a world without these technologies.
They impact our lives in many different ways.
Unfortunately, we are not able to separate the harmful effects from the beneficial ones.
Technology, especially social media is having a drastic impact on our health, our relationships and indeed all aspects of our life.
Plus, many of us are not even aware of the heavy price that we are paying.
Think of how rarely you now use the phone to speak to someone.
A text is far easier, quicker, less burdensome. A phone call could take longer; it could force you to encounter that person’s idiosyncrasies or digressions or unexpected emotional needs.
Remember when you left voice-mail messages — or actually listened to one? Emojis now suffice
-Andrew Sullivan (from the eye opening article “I used to be a human being”
I highly recommend all the books by Cal Newport who writes on the important topics of digital minimalism, productivity and deep focus.
“Digital minimalism” is the book that you’ll want to read first if you are looking to find ways to free yourself from the clutches of digital slavery.
The importance of real life connections
When I look back to the relationships that I have cultivated over the past several decades, not a single one of them was made stronger by a “like” or an “emoji”.
On the contrary, I feel that if I am not careful, the threads of friendships (and family) can get frayed all too easily these days.
Its easier more than ever to lose touch except for the occasional “comment” or “thumbs up” on a social post.
How is that in any way shape or form a meaningful connection?
I don’t want to know about what’s going on in their lives by going through carefully curated images posted on social.
I do want to know about the tears and sweat that is a part of any kind of success. I want to laugh with my friends and cry with them too.
I want to know how they feel when things are going well, and especially when things are going wrong.
Because I want to be there for them, and hope they will be there for me too
Alone together - a crisis of loneliness
None of us make it through this life alone.
And one of the real dangers of being constantly connected in the virtual world, but disconnected in the real one is feeling “alone together”.
The next time you are enjoying a meal in a restaurant, look around you and you’ll see what I mean.
There are people who are sitting at the same table. However, while they may be present physically, their minds are thousands of miles away.
We are no longer truly present for huge chunks of our lives!
This is one of the biggest contributors to the loneliness epidemic that the world is facing today.
And the longer that we stay in our virtual worlds, we become more and more disconnected from ourselves and others.
The crisis of commitment and purpose
Think about all the people in the world who have no understanding of meaning and purpose in their lives.
The thing, if you do not know who you are as an individual, how will you ever know what you want from life?
In the book “The rhythm of life” by Matthew Kelly, the author talks about a crisis of commitment in our modern society. He says that people seem unwilling to make commitments or, once made, unable to fulfill them.
He also goes on to say that
“The crisis of commitment is the result of a far more serious crisis of purpose”.
He also mentions something that I agree with
“Why is depression so dramatically on the rise?
I cannot imagine anything more depressing that not having any sense of meaning and purpose of your own life”
I see too many people who have nothing to look forward to or wake up for in the morning.
They have the same monotonous routine that they have been following for years since they left college and started working.
It’s not their fault.
They buy into the same illusion that I’d bought into all those years ago.
The illusion that there is only one path to a successful life.
Success that is not on my terms, but on someone else’s. Maybe our family, society or even our parents.
I can speak for myself when I say that I was never taught to think about what I really want from my life.
I got educated and received various qualifications. I went to school, college and got an MBA degree but I never really learned how to live life, how to thrive.
And I was certainly not taught how to make space for to simply be and to think for myself.
All I became good at a really long time was following instructions.
A personal wake-up call
I became good at going along with the undercurrent of life with no real anchor or direction.
And with the constant bombardment of technology and social media, it became easier for me to keep myself from figuring out what I really wanted.
This went on for a really long time till I received an unwanted wake up call.
This came in the form of my daughter’s severe health issues.
It jolted me out of this default mode of living and put me firmly on the path of self discovery and self development.
I have shared our story of overcoming our challenges in my first podcast episode here.
I want you to wake up too.
The joys of living deliberately
I want you to experience the joys and sorrows of living a full life.
To know what it is to truly enjoy and live life on your own terms.
To know that life happens for you, not to you!
I want you to fully experience the sacred that comes from paying full attention to an ordinary moment.
This may come to you as you gaze at the smile of your child, the awe of being in the midst of nature, the joy that comes from playing an instrument, dancing or painting.
These moments may be ordinary, but they have the seeds within them to make your life more rich and meaningful.
You see, all you need to do is to pay attention.
To find ways to connect with those parts of yourself that you’ve lost touch with.
For me, this comes in the form of journaling and penning down my thoughts. For you it may come in the form of running, painting, dancing or swimming.
It can come through any creative activity that you enjoy.
But you must make time for it. You must prioritise it for it to happen. If you don’t time will pass anyway, but you won’t have ever found out what makes you come alive.
Many people live on autopilot, drifting aimlessly and being tossed by life's waves, never finding a way to take control and steer their own course.
They simply never realize that there’s a much happier and more fulfilling way to live.
And it starts by taking the time to figure out what YOU want from life.
As Jon Kabat- Zinn has said, “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
Are you willing to do what it takes to find out what you want from your life?
To pause from time to time and take stock of where you are headed?
And as the famous poet Mary Oliver once asked,
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
This is a journey we all can embark on, starting today.
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to take the first step towards a more meaningful and connected life.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
How have you managed your relationship with technology?
Have you found ways to reconnect with yourself and others?
Share your journey in the comments below and let’s support each other on this path!
If you found this post helpful, please share it with your friends and family.
Together, we can create a more mindful and connected world.