“A job well done”
A quiet voice whispered into my ear and I felt my body visibly relaxing. A smile broke out on my face as I realised that was a turning point in my life. I felt truly free.
You see, I was doing an activity as a part of a course “Speak and Inspire” by Lisa Nichols on Mindvalley.
And one of the lessons was called “Speaking your legacy”
As a follow up task for this lesson, I had to visualise my own death and funeral. I had to imagine what exactly the people who were there would say about me. How would they complete the sentence
“Here lies a woman who…..”
And as I filled in the pages of my journal by completing this sentence, I wrote down
Here lies a woman who loved her family, her friends and her life
Here lies a woman who lived her life on her own terms
Here lies a woman who was not afraid to try new things, to make mistakes and to try again
This was my legacy and I was proud of the impact I had made with my life.
Being wildly successful (on your own terms)
When I started filling in the blanks, I realised exactly what kind of contribution I was making to this world.
I was making a difference by helping women heal from their chronic conditions. I gave them hope of a better life because everyone deserves to live a life that is free of pain and suffering. I showed them a path of healing that helped them trust their own bodies and their intuition and share their gifts in the world
And as these women thrived, so did their families and their communities.
Because you see, that is what I truly want to do- heal the world, one woman at a time.
More importantly, I am doing it on my own terms, unafraid to try new things and make mistakes.
The thing is, I know I am not done yet, I still have a long way to go.
However, if my life was cut short today, I would rest content with what I had achieved so far.
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, success is
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded“
When you get a wake up call
Yet, it had not always been this way.
Till I was in my thirties, I was pretty much living on autopilot mode.
Working full time for a decade, taking care of one child and then becoming a full time mother when my second child was born. I was fully focused on my day to day life and the external world. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had yet to explore the rich inner world that lay unexplored within me.
And because I had not yet learned to connect with my inner wisdom and intuition, I was being mostly led by whatever others expected of me.
I had no clue that that there was more to life than simply existing. Going through the motions and repetitions every day and dealing with what lay in front of me. With taking care of two young children did .
I had glimpses of my inner world during those rare moments when I allowed myself to relax deeply and be still.
And then our lives were turned upside down due to our daughter’s severe chronic illness that went spiraling out of control. Very soon, when she was only 6 years old, her life was a constant round of various doctors, tests and treatments. And even then, her condition would not come under control.
Finally things came to a head when she battled a life threatening infection due to a severe medication side effect.
That was a wake up call for me and woke me up from what I felt was a deep slumber.
Initially though, for a few years we were in crisis mode and I was simply responding to whatever came my way on that day. Putting out little and big fires and trying to do my best to cope with the situation as best as I could. Doing this with a smile on my face, especially for my daughter’s sake.
It was much later that I started focusing on the mental and emotional aspects of the healing process.
And only then I realised that we had simply scratched the surface as far as her healing journey was concerned.
Embarking on a healing journey
There was so much I didn’t know about how the mind and body are connected.
The thing is, I didn’t know how healing takes place. And how to cope with the stress of dealing with a chronic illness.
And as I started looking for some guidance, I turned to one thing that has always sustained me since childhood, in good times and bad.
Books.
I read books on a wide variety of subjects. Books on healing, dying and death, dealing with stress, mindfulness and anything else I though could help me deal with what we were going through.
In particular, one book stood out as a stark reminder for what is really important.
The book “Four things that matter most” by Dr Ira Byock based on his interactions with terminally ill patients.
It literally opened my eyes and reminded me of what is truly important. It showed me that a path towards maintaining emotional health and well-being that was driven by our inner world and our relationships with each other and ourselves.
Dr Byock has been caring for seriously ill patients for more than 40 years in emergency medicine practice and later in hospice and palliative care.
He found that when we are close to death, we realise what has been true all along- that our relationships are our most precious possessions.
As he says in the book, “I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve met people in my office, an emergency room, hospital or hospice program who have expressed deep regret over things they wish they had said before a grandparent, parent, sibling, or friend died.”
Dr Byock goes on to say “Again and again, I’ve witnessed the value of stating the obvious. When you love someone, it’s never too soon to say, “I love you”, or premature to say “Thank you”, “I forgive you” or “Will you forgive me?”. When there is nothing of profound importance left unsaid, relationships tend to take on an aspect of celebration, as they should.”
“I love you”
“Thank you”
“I forgive you”
“Will you forgive me?”
These four short sentences carry the core wisdom of people who are dying.
The thing is, when facing death, all pretense and games tend to slip away and what remains is the truth.
These are powerful, yet simple tools to help us strip away what is most important in our life, what really matters.
“For all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these :
”It might have been!”
-John Greenleaf Whittier
Your dream is real
Do you find it odd that I think and write about death and dying?
I don’t.
Well, not anymore that is.
My first close encounter came when my father passed away at the age of 44. It took me some time to fully grasp the permanence that death brings to our relationships. I grieved for him and what what might have been had he lived.
This kind of loss never really goes away, you find a way to live with it by making peace with it.
What has helped me the most is the notion that life is meant to be lived.
To truly thrive, not just survive.
To laugh, to dance, to feel, to serve and to have purpose and meaning.
Yet, many of us seem to be settling for a mediocre life.
A mediocre life that doesn’t require us to share the gifts that we are born with.
It doesn’t require us to stand up for what we believe in and find out what is important to us.
Or even find out what meaning life holds for us and our purpose is.
However, a rich and meaningful life requires us to believe that there is more to life merely existing.
It requires us to have dreams, to believe that there is much more that lies in wait for us beyond our comfort zone.
And while we may seek to live inside the comfort zone so that we don’t make any mistakes or fail, it’s just an illusion.
But our dreams are real.
An adventure called life
As a little girl I used to dream that of becoming a doctor.
I dreamt of finding a cure for cancer. The dreaded disease that cut short the time that my mother, brother and I got to spend with our father. I was 11 years old and my brother was only 6 when he passed away.
However, even though I tried hard, I didn’t get into medical school and become a doctor.
But I did what I had to at the time to stand on my feet and take care of my family. I went on to work in the financial services industry. However, I never gave up on that dream of making an impact in the field of health and wellness.
And years later, my daughter’s health crisis presented me with an opportunity.
I jumped head first into the field of Functional Medicine and Health Coaching without knowing how it would all pan out.
Yet, little did I know that it would change my daughter’s life and mine.
When I look back to the last 10 years of my life, it all seems like an adventure somehow. And yet, it was this adventure that showed me the path to heal my daughter from the inside out. To help her overcome her disease and learn how to overcome health challenges and live a happy and healthy life.
The journey was long and arduous, but looking back now, I can see how each step brought me closer to where I needed to be.
And though the path took unexpected turns, I arrived exactly where I was meant to, a little battered but full of hope, ready to continue the adventure.
With courage and an open heart, I move forward, trusting that things will continue to unfold as they should.
My wish for you is that you too find the strength to follow your own winding path, wherever it may lead.
There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask, "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling, what if you fly?
Erin Hanson